distraction

hello.

i hope this letter finds you well. i wanted to share some recent journal entries with you, things that i've been contemplating recently about my specific energetic makeup.

{journal entries from may of twenty twenty two}

with this most recent eclipse and full moon, i’ve been thinking a lot about how i do things. i’ve been asking -

how am i making things harder for myself?

how am i forcing?

what stories am i still living out that no longer work for me?

what is my path of least resistance, and will i allow myself to follow it?

what does sustainability look and feel like for me?

so much of this has to do with recognizing the stories i tell myself, about myself. it has to do with separating what i want to do, from what i see others doing. there's a big difference between -can- and -want-. and each of those takes me down a different path.

i want to operate at max sustainability, not minimum. this means i don’t want to feel exhausted from working, and i don’t want to feel like i’m forcing things. when i feel this way it’s often because i’m putting pressure on doing something (achieving success / expressing myself) the way i see others doing it. and a lot of times, i’m focused on trying to achieve a certain outcome. in these situations i try to loosen up, release some pressure, redefine some things, and get honest about how easy i want it to be.

oftentimes this means that i don’t always have the answers. i rarely know how things are going to come together, because i’ve chosen not to follow the paths i see others taking. i've chosen to relinquish total control. in lieu of this certainty, i listen to my body as it senses the next step.

it’s like i’m walking through a garden, and it’s dark and i can’t see very far ahead. sometimes i can’t even see the next stone in the path. but i trust that it’s there, so i step one foot out and inevitably land in the next page of my story. a little more of the garden is revealed to me. it’s the mystery of this process that so enthralls me, the scents and textures that find me as i’m moving through, that make me feel present and alive. focusing on whatever might be at the end of the path, or on the fact that i can’t see very far ahead, distracts me from enjoying the experience of the journey.

🍃

i think that’s one reason i feel such affinity with gnomes - their focus seems to be on the experience, not the outcome. though they use their minds to beautiful effect, they follow their bodies through space and time.

i love my mind. i love how i think and see things. but i don’t want to let it drive. it likes to start working ten steps ahead of the present. it likes to follow the paths others have laid out, and i’m tired of going that way. these are distractions from the story as it’s being written. my body knows where to go, even if i don’t know where that is. within my body thrives the authenticity, the path of least resistance. and that way, i wish to go.

i see now how this contemplation has its roots in letters written and thoughts recorded over a year ago. it's another part of this great re-discovery: digging out my true way of being from everything that has kept it buried for so long. and i'm starting to really notice how that process is impacting my reality. it's very, very cool.

🍃

thanks for being with me as i ask questions and watch them transform. keep an eye out for my next letter, take care, and as always…

if you want me, come find me -

i’ve gone gnomin’.

~kat